Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize