Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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