You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dignity is for republicans.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize