Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
