No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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