I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
