It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
