yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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