Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
