There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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