just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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