Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i've created a new STD.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dicks are not precious.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
