Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
