where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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