we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
