he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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