I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
MIDGETS
????
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
