I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
