i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
