I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
