i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
