I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
