Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
