is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
