Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
