dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
