...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
