Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize