Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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