he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize