Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
