Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize