Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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