So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
