I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
