It was confusing and full of hummus
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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