they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
