Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
