God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
