The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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