too bad you live with your parents still
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
