Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
