Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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