I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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