Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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