i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
