he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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