You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
