His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, beer. Big fan.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
