i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
