God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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