Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
