i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize