We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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