Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
