Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
