Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
