It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
