Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
MIDGETS
????
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
