So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
a search helicopter?!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
