it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
