i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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