i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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