I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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