Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
