I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize