who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
