How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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