i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
