I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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