I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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