at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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