my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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