the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
