i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
