Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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